So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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