Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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