my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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