Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
