So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
