I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
