i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
