How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
