i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
