The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
