he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
