well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
being pregnant is like rehab
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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