Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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