the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
