OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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