if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
