I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
