This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
