I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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