i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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