Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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