Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
