hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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