She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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