No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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