what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
