Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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