I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
