Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
