After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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