God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
