I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
