just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
