yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
