i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
