I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize