I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
