So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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