How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
