Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
