So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
