How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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