If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
