have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
