mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
