Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize