wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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