Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
