Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
