the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
