don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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