my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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