it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
