tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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