Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
