I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize