my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
