you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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