I can text with my tongue
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
