Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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