just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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